Being with Friends in B-ham

Tailgating with the Bride and Groom some years ago

Birmingham was a break from my geographical journey but not from my soul search. I landed myself in Birmingham for the wedding of two friends from college – well, really, after college. I met the groom the summer after I had graduated. The details are a little fuzzy but what isn’t after five years’ time. He was one of a handful of boys that my girlfriends spent time with that summer. They were all like brothers to me, but as it does, life interrupted and our tight-knit group became more of a loose stitch. Time, distance and circumstance came between us and every night became once a week and every weekend became ever other. Down the road became across the state. Girlfriends became wives. Soon, the summer was a distant memory and sometimes it felt like our friendships were too. This isn’t to say the connection or meaning was gone, we just had new lives. We lost touch and when I say “we”, I mostly mean me. The girls in our group moved away and our friendships fell apart. The boys’ didn’t, though, and while I kept up with them as much as I could, priorities change. I missed one of their weddings because I had to be in Memphis for a boyfriend’s family function. At the time, that was more important. I couldn’t have known that the relationship would end and I would regret missing my friends’ wedding but that’s life and they understood. That being said, when I was invited to this wedding, there was no question whether or not I’d go; the bride and groom are wonderful people and I refused to miss this day with them. So, off to Birmingham I was!

my boys!

The trip wasn’t so much about the city but about rediscovering friendships. It wasn’t hard. We all, more or less, picked up wherever we had left off last. When we met, we were kids without much of a care except how we were going to pay a bar tab. The summer that we all met was one of the most epic; filled with debauchery, laughter, recklessness, solidarity, and indiscretion. Everything that a final summer before growing up should be! For me, it was the summer between college and adulthood. That summer represented a crossroads for each of us. We stood at the threshold of our adulthood looking out into our futures with one another. We all had choices to make about “what comes next”. Inevitably, we all took separate paths, which led us away from each other, but the start of the journey together is what keeps us friends.

We all have our flaws and insecurities. We all laugh a little too hard at our own jokes. We all have baggage. We had the things that brought us together and the things that set us apart. There were things we went through together that brought us closer and the things that divided us. It’s amazing how some friendships evolve while others dissolve. In that summer and the time that followed, though, these were the people that knew me best. They knew me as a young, selfish, adult and, in spite of that, they’ve chosen to know me now.

back together in Birmingham

When the summer was over, and it’s possible they’ll disagree, we all took our best shots at being grown-ups together. Now, all these years later, we are adults with spouses, houses and children (this time when I say “we” I mean them). The differences in our lives and location haven’t erased the connection, though. The laughter and the love remain and I think that’s what real friendship is.

My time at the wedding was a reminder of that. In a way, I was able to remember myself. Who I was then and how far I’ve come, in spite of feeling like I haven’t. They accept me for who I am, as I do them. They support me in my endeavors and believe in me when even I don’t.

Birmingham was a nice break from the solitude of the road. It was an opportunity to reminisce with friends – and there was plenty of that to be done. And a time to remember myself, who I was and who I want to be. I think I’d always known it, but never really acknowledged that these friends are friends for life and my weekend in Birmingham reminded me of that.

the skyling on the drive in

potato pancakes on the way out

As for Birmingham’s redemption that I promised, it turns out University of Alabama, Birmingham’s “downtown” was about a mile away from the downtown we were staying in. When the hotel bar let us down (rude, rude bartender), we hopped  in a cab to find the piano bar, which is apparently closed. We would get excited to go somewhere that doesn’t exist. The area was called “Five Points” and was filled with a great nightlife scene. We found a Dave Matthews Cover Band from Tennessee, of all places, and had a really fun time. In the morning, we went back to Five Points for breakfast at the Pancake House. The food was amazing! Bacon pancakes, potato pancakes (don’t mind if I do), blueberry, strawberry and the largest omelets you’ve ever seen (think egg calzone). Considering our side of town was post-zombie apocalypse, this was the most lively place on Earth!